I was recently asked to contribute to Michael Fiore’s Digital Romance. In it I discuss the top 5 simple reasons why most men don’t have, or ever obtain, dating freedom. You can check it the original by clicking here.
“Dating abundance” – what does it mean?
For a man, it means having the ability to meet and date the woman (or women) that he WANTS to date. It means being with her (or them) because he WANTS to, not because he could do no better or because that was his only option.
It’s dating on his own terms – dating how he wants with whom he wants. It’s essentially the pinnacle of dating, where all men would love to be … but few are.
So why don’t most men reach this pinnacle?
1. They don’t think they can
We live in a society that considers a man actively working on their dating skills to be either desperate or some questionable pick up artist. Improving one’s ability with women is often seen in the least as “unnecessary” and at the most “creepy”.
Men don’t go out and meet the women that they want to meet, or develop the skills required to do so, simply because they don’t think that they can. They’ve been brainwashed to think that approaching a woman is weird, that asking a woman home is sleazy, that showing interest in a woman is desperate.
Men are told to just be ‘themselves’ and when the time is right, it will “just happen”. Ok, but is it “just happening” with the women that they really want? And try telling that to the man in his 40s who has been waiting 20 years.
2. They don’t commit to the effort
Getting good with women takes time and effort. It takes months, years.
It means going out regularly, putting your balls on the line regularly.
It means dressing better, working on your personality.
It means approaching a girl, asking her out, and keeping your spirits up if she says no.
It means working through your insecurities, finding other men interested in doing the same and committing to doing whatever it takes until you get where (and whom) you want.
In short, it’s an effort. Most men wanting to meet women will generally go out only a few of times a year and MAYBE approach one or two women each time. Nowhere near enough to elicit any real growth.
3. They don’t approach
Most men just don’t approach.
They never go to bars to approach
They never approach that cute woman in the supermarket, or that woman that they walk past every morning.
They never say hi to that girl that smiles at them in their café.
Really, maybe only a third of women will like you, maybe even less will give you their number and go on a date, so if you’re not approaching, and you’re meeting only a few new women a year, then you’re just not going to be developing any skills, or meeting the best women for you.
4. They hide their intent
Fear of rejection means that most men hide their intent from women. That is to say, they’re afraid to show any interest in them. Women like men who are bold enough to own it, to show it, to not be apologetic for it.
Anything good in life has some risk. If you start a business, it might not work out. If you ask a girl out, she might reject you. But it’s sure as hell better than pretending to be her friend for years on end, quietly and desperately hoping that something will eventuate (it won’t). And one bold move is a hell of a lot more attractive years of creepy subtleties and innuendos.
5. They don’t ‘close’
Some men DO go out and actually have nice conversations with women … but then they don’t ever do anything more than that.
They don’t ask for her phone number.
They don’t try to take her home.
They don’t ask her out.
They talk to Susie in the office for years and never actually find out if she is interested.
They talk to a woman in a bar for an hour and then bid her goodnight.
They talk to that woman in the café every day and never ask if she’d like to go out sometime.
Sometimes a woman will drop every hint under the sun, and be disappointed when the cute guy who just started talking to her, walks away, unaware that she wanted the same thing as he did. So for a lot of men, most of their interactions don’t actually result in any dates. So stop being so precious and just ask her out.