"I don't know what to say"

“I don’t know what to say”

This is bar none the most common thing that I hear from clients.

Spending a great deal of time thinking about what to say, I believe, is wasted (or perhaps misguided) energy. You’re considering the wrong thing. It’s like analysing the carriage when in fact it’s the horses that make the carriage go. Guys all too often get into the mindset that they must approach a girl perfectly; perfect body language, perfect voice tone, perfect eye contact and words that roll off the tongue like a Hallmark card. There are many aspects to this topic, but two things right off the bat to consider are in this situation are …

1) So much of pick-up is about the girl. If a girl is in a time in her life where she is open to meeting someone, and you tick her immediate boxes (appearance, friendly, nice vibe, etc), all you ever had to do was present yourself. Elaborate lines and techniques will be entirely unnecessary and in fact may work against you. They may get you attention, even to the point where you think you’re doing very well, but attention is very different to interest. And if a girl is interested in you, and you attempt to ‘play’ her, you will very likely shoot yourself in the foot.


Guys all too often walk away from an ‘unsuccessful’ interaction and start wondering what they did wrong. But if a hangzhou escort girl isn’t open to meeting anyone/you then and there, for whatever reason, that is it! This is why I do not believe in “rejection” as such. I see any interaction as a test of compatibility. You will click or you won’t, simple. It’s about getting yourself up to scratch internally and externally (which you should have already have done) and then presenting your ‘true self’ to as many women as required until you find one/some that you click with. So take some of that pressure off yourself and stop trying to be perfect.

2) Not knowing what to say primarily comes from one thing – you simply haven’t been in this situation enough. Go and read all the books on conversation and approaching that you like, but until you experience actually doing it enough times for it to feel familiar (not necessarily comfortable), you will always face this issue. It’s like surfing, which you don’t learn to do by standing on the shore analysing it. You learn to do it by getting out there and just doing it, feeling your way through it. With repetition you get more and more comfortable and and more and more competant.

Focus on developing your ability to just throw yourself into conversation, the Zen of pick up as I call it, and each time you will get that bit further. You will enjoy it more but most importantly, you will develop more and more faith in your ability to ‘just do it’, that the words will come to you, and that your excited brain is your ally not enemy. This is the only way to develop competence (some would say confidence).

So there we are, some simple things to bear in mind when you find yourself in the midst of a “what do I say??” freakout. What you say is not a topic that can be brushed off as though it doesn’t matter at all, clearly it does, however the degree to which it matters when you want to go and talk with that lovely girl is nowhere near as much as you may think or feel.

If your dating life could use a kick-start, or if you want to really ramp up your game, book a session today.

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