How to approach a group of girls
I’m sure you’re aware that essentially all women in a bar, are in a group. In this post (or video if you’re watching, I’ll give you a couple of my immediate thoughts on how to approach the group in what I consider to be a easier and more natural ways to go about this, and then if you want more info you can download the whole chapter from my book for free.
Firstly, you don’t HAVE to do groups, if you really don’t enjoy it, if you don‘t have the energy for it, there is day game or even just the odd girl walking around the bar, waiting at the bar, there ARE options, however not being able to talk to groups will really limit your options and growth.
Don’t rush it – I see a lot of guys really pushing themselves to just dive into a group because they think that that is what confidence is, the 3 second rule and all that jazz. But for every one time I’ve seen that work, I’ve seen 10 that have been super awkward because the guy didn’t take the time to read the group first.
Just waiting for a better time is sometimes the best approach. Keep an eye on the group, who is who, who is with who, what can you use to get in there, are there lulls in the energy of the group, who do you want to talk to, is the group compact or are there people breaking away from it. Noticing this will make your approach way better.
Note your energy – If they are high energy, dancing, laughing, and you go in with too low energy, you’re likely getting ignored. Or what I see more often is if you go in with high energy and “confidence” and they’re just chill or even shy, they will likely listen to you but you’re going to over-cook. So to start pick the groups that are similar in energy to you.
Positioning is huge. If you’re wanting to get into a group, just being kinda near them is helpful. Sometimes the universe will just give you a natural open, one will step back on her phone, one will say something weird, one will look at you, or whatever. BUT do not orbit around them. It’s painfully awkward when a girl knows that a guy is going to talk to her, but lingers around her looking over for 10 minutes before he does.
If it’s 3-4 girls, approach the whole group, don’t walk in and talk to just the one you want to talk to, while the friends stand there awkwardly. Only approach one directly if she is kinda broken off from the the group, facing the other way, etc and not being engaged. If you doOr wait till the group breaks up and then approach.
What to say – Firstly look for something to comment on, clothes, drink, absolutely anything that you notice, can mention, can ask. This is always the socially safest and easiest approach. Remember that who you are is speaking louder than anything you say. It doesn’t need to be a spectacular opener, and your follow up is more important than your opener anyway. BUT notice there is a huge difference between “They’re some nice shoes” if she is wearing black heels and “They’re some nice shoes” if she is wearing massive platforms.
Alternatively, just say “Hey guys how’s it going tonight?” ANYTHING “I just wanted to say hello” Again too many guys get obsessed with what to say. In a bar, unlike in day, you don’t need a reason to approach. Everyone knows what’s going on and MOST of the time they’re gonna give you a second or two just because of social convention. That is if you just have a little social intelligence in your approach. If you want more specific openers, check out the link below.
Fly by approach – I love this style of approaching, just make a comment to the group, or those on the outskirts of the group, as you’re walking past. If it opens, stop, if it doesn’t, keep walking. This both takes pressure off them to commit to a response, and also allows you to just keep walking if it goes horrible.
Bring in friends – Don’t both of you and your friend approach the group, you do it, and once it is open and chatting, and they’re cool, bring in your friend. Also ensure he isn’t standing awkwardly behind you when you are talking to them, wave him over from some distance away.
Don’t keep talking as a group when he comes in. Once he comes in and is chatting with the group, use anything you can think of to direct your attention to the girl that you want to talk to, most often this is something that you were previously talking about in the group, or something you “just” noticed about her. It’s actually good to have this in your head before this moment, so notice is earlier in the group conversation.
I hope this has given you an idea on how to approach a group of girls, if you want to more specifics on openers, group of 2 vs group of 10, how to stay in the group, click the link below where you can download the chapter from my book on approaching groups for free.
Until next time, peace.