I just wanted to quickly address something that I get a lot, and that is guys struggling to find other likeminded guys to go out with. I find that the situation can be most often broken down like this:
1)Younger guys who have developed an interest in improving themselves at an age where their friends are more interested in smashing shots at the bar all night.
2)Guys in their mid-20s to mid-30s who might find it tough to approach and meet new people without being questioned on it by their regular friends.
3)Older people whose friends are all married or settled and have no interest in going out socialising.
So firstly, I will say to not use this as an excuse to never get out there. If you really want this, be it for the growth, and/or partner(s), you will find a way. It’s easy to find an excuse and then cling to it because despite the “Just get out there and have fun!” mentality, most people will secretly agree that going out, getting into it and putting your balls on the line, weekend after weekend, can be a pain in the arse.
The next thing – don’t be too obsessed with the notion of being around people who are great with women. It’s a common idea – be around those who are better than you – which of course has some validity, but ultimately, you improve because of yourself; your thoughts, your actions, your decisions – way more than because of who you’re out with. A night of being out, just getting yourself to take action, regardless of who you’re around will be way more beneficial than a night spent waiting for some advanced guy to inspire and drop knowledge on you.
Impatient pick up community guys, often want to start at the top – “I want to go out with a guy who is awesome, watch him, do the same, get my girl and get out” Well … it ain’t gonna work like that, largely because that guy that you’re watching has taken his own path of improvement over many weeks, months, years, and now has sooooo much going on underneath the hood that you as a beginner will not even notice. It is the person that he has become, not what he is necessarily saying or doing, that is getting him results. And also, if you’re just there because he is “good with girls”, not because you naturally click, you likely won’t get talking about the personal things that got him to where he is today. Don’t deny yourself the fruits of your own journey. The lessons which will change your life, you will learn along the way – on your shit nights out as well as your great ones – not from an elevator ride to the top. Arriving at a destination without having cut your own path will likely result in you just being lost again (the same reason as why 95% of lottery winners end up right back where they started).
Personally, when I first started going out to meet women, I would finish work in a bar at 11 pm, drive to the city and stand in a club, on my own, for hours. Admittedly, I think in months of doing this, I slept with only one girl (who approached me, asking to be her pretend boyfriend to make someone else jealous, which didn’t work). Then I moved onto going out with friends after work, where anytime that I wanted to meet a girl, I would put my pool cue down, excuse myself for a moment and approach her. NONE of the people that I was out with were doing the same. I copped some shit for it, but I wanted what I wanted more than I wanted their approval. With self acceptance, you will find those around you being more accepting. Soon it became a neutral comment here and there “Oh, and he is off again to talk to another random”, before eventually it became curious questions like “So what are you actually saying?”
Then I came to Melbourne not knowing a single person, and would go out with anyone. Literally, ANYONE. I would go out and get as many guy numbers as I would girls. I would meet up with people from the forums, the hostel I was staying in, friends of the people I was meeting. I hear all the time, guys not wanting to go out with other guys because of this, or that – age, differences interests, that they’re weird, that they go to shit venues – and then you’re left with “I have no one to go out with” Much like when you go out to a bar, rarely do you approach one girl, hit it off and start dating her. No, you go out, you chat with a few people as you go, some you click with whereas some you don’t, then eventually you randomly meet one who you click with really well. It might be that night, but it might be after weeks of going out. But you wanted to meet that girl, so you kept at it. Making new friends, or wings, or whatever, is just the same. If you’re willing to start at the bottom and climb your way up, you will eventually meet a few great guys who you really click with, whom you likely only met because of those nights out with the others. And in the process you will also grow a MASSIVE social circle and influence, full of all the people that you met along the way. It took me months to meet guys that I clicked when I came to Melbourne. Every single weekend of going out with, again with anyone. But the guys that I did meet eventually are now my closest friends.
So to wrap up. Don’t use not having someone to go out with, or friends who don’t approach women, as an excuse to not get out there. For guys who have no one, start at the bottom and climb your way up – Meetup.com, the Lair, dating forums, social groups – you have a city of 4 million people at your disposal. And remember, you do NOT need other people’s approval for ANYTHING. The conversation will go like this …
-“Who was that?” – “Don’t know, just met her”
-“Why did you approach her?” – “Because I wanted to”
-“Huh? Why? What did you say?” – “Just asked how her night was and shit, nothing special”
-“Yeah but why? Why are you talking to randoms?” – “I don’t know, meet more girls, relax dude”
It really is that simple. If you’re hugely worried of what other people think of you, it’s a mere reflection of your own concern that what you’re doing is weird, which you want to address anyway as it will definitely impact your success. The more comfortable YOU are with it, the more ok they will be with it. Be a leader by being different. When people sense that you don’t need their approval, something psychologically switches inside them, and they will follow you in admiration or fall away whinging. Anyone who has had coaching from me will know that I talk a lot about breaking your mold. You need to shatter who you are, your ego, your sense of “I am Chris Manak and this is what I do, this is who I am, this is where I belong, etc” – that shit will hold you back like NOTHING else. And being worried what old friends think of you is a clinging to that old sense of self. Yes, some people won’t like that – people like to have you defined and categorized. But what you want is more important than what they think of you. If those around you are cool with you changing and going for more in life – THEY are your real friends, and you should take them to the top with you, even if they are the total chumps – they stuck by you. If they’re not cool with it, fine. They will either bitch for a while before their curiosity gets the better, and start to follow you, or bitch and continue to bitch, all the way out of your life.
Anyway, hope that helps.
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