Question – “I went on a date last night and we ended up at my place. Tops came off and despite my efforts, she wouldn’t sleep with me, even though she seemed comfortable with me. What could I have done differently? Appreciate your thoughts”
My answer – If she was at your house, and she was comfortable with you – I don’t think you should have done anything differently. It’s clearly not over.
I wouldn’t push too hard. I find the more pressure on someone to do something, the less chance they will do it, and not necessarily because they don’t want to, but because they then feel pressured and awkward.
Comfort is the key word here.
I see a lot of new guys scaring off girls by being too demanding for sex, when really all they had to do was chill-out for another date or two and it would have happened anyway. Absolutely do your thing, charm her, seduce her, but don’t crack it that she won’t sleep with you, don’t lose your shit over it – it is weird, needy and will likely kill everything. The irony is that she probably likes you to the degree that she is trying to play it the best way. If she didn’t really care about seeing you again, or you were just a give or take timely hook up – she would have slept with you. My guess is, she likes you, she doesn’t want you judging her, or fucking her and leaving, so she is playing it safe. And you cracking it at her is likely just fuelling her concern that you will fuck her and leave or be different.
Sex = power. Giving up sex = giving up power.
Some girls will sleep with you right away, others won’t – there is no system or technique to change that, I don’t care who says what.
Of course if you feel that a girl, after some time, is playing games with you, and doing the whole ‘sex on a pedestal / no you have to wait for this’ thing which is obvious, annoying and in my opinion childish, sure address it, or leave, but that certainly isn’t the case after just one date.
The more dating experience you get, the more girls that you see, the more you come into your own abundance, the less you will NEED sex. If a girl is at your house / in my bed, and she is hesitant, your options are … 1) Push push push, which will more than anything likely just push her to be less inclined to see you again. 2) She is at your house, in your bed – she likes you. Sex WILL happen at some point or other, so just chill-out, relax, get on with the night. If you want sex THAT bad, I’m guessing that you either don’t like the girl enough to be spending time with her (sex means you can get the hell out of there), or something is off balance in your head / life / dating. Wanting sex – of course. Needing it – hmm.
Yes try – it is your job as the man to help her through some of her concern (Disclaimer for the retards – no means no, I’m not talking about that). But if she is still hesitant – relax. If you deal with it properly, you will both be enjoying a lovely sexual time either in the morning, the next time I meet her or soon enough.
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