A popular thought among budding ladies men is that you will reach a place where it is all completely effortless and natural. You’re walking down the street, living your awesome life, and every girl you see, your feet just cart you on over there, no anxiety, no second thoughts, no fear of rejection, and boom, your natural charm just flows.
Yes, that is the ideal. But …
It reminds me (funnily enough) of a nutrition quote by Mark Hyman…
“I don’t think people need vitamins, they are a waste of money … That is, if they eat wild, fresh, whole, organic, local, non-genetically modified food grown in virgin mineral and nutrient-rich soils and not transported across vast distances and stored for months before being eaten. And if they work and live outside, breathe only fresh unpolluted air, drink only pure, clean water, sleep nine hours a night, move their bodies every day, and are free from chronic stressors and exposure to environmental toxins … then we don’t need vitamins. But, of course, I have described absolutely no one on the planet. In reality, we all need vitamins”
Whether you believe that or not (kinda hard to argue), what he is saying is that we don’t live in a natural world, so aiming for things to be completely natural can be to our detriment.
At your core, yes, you are a total natural with women. You know that dog that sees a bitch (female dog, for clarity) on the other side of the street and upon one glance, runs over to suss her our and have a go at her from behind? That is you – at your core. Personally I believe that all of us to some degree. But unfortunately (or fortunately, depends on which way you look at it), you have at least 5000 years of collective subconscious shit overriding that – engrained religious dogma (whether you’re religious or not), social etiquettes, your insecurities, the insecurities of your parents, their parents, etc. – all overriding your ability to be ‘natural’. I think a lot of frustration in dating results from our biology and our sociology conflicting. We live in a concrete jungle, working unnatural hours, our hormones are all out of whack from the shit we eat, everyone is essentially sleep and nutritionally deprived – the list could go on. Our world is one where it’s necessary to tell our children to not talk to strangers. So your natural ability to just roll on over and talk to that sexy girl without any hint of anxiety is pretty much on par with your ability to go into the office on Monday and punch your pain in the arse boss in the face without once thinking that it could be a bad idea. It’s something that you could probably do with ease in a natural world … but this is far from a natural world, and you’re far from your natural state of being.
So yes, certainly do aim for all this pick-up stuff to be more natural. You DO want to incorporate it into your life, you DO want to do things in a way that is ‘you’, you DO want to work on expanding your comfort zone, conquering fears, etc. But just be careful about what it is in your head to be ‘a natural’. I believe a natural isn’t lacking any fear (I’ve met guys that apparently don’t feel anything, and they mostly seemed somewhat autistic, detached from reality, or just bullshit artists) – a ‘natural’, in my opinion, just knows how to USE his fear, he knows how to deal with it, he sees more in trying than in not, he focuses on reward instead of risk, he puts in time and effort to learn overtime. A natural isn’t just born, he is created. In anything really, not just this. And becoming a natural doesn’t necessarily mean constantly struggling against your emotions, or constantly being down on yourself for feeling fear, or lack of motivation (that don’t sound like fun!), it simply involves you attuning your perspective and perception to assist you getting what you want. Finding a balance between staying authentically you, and becoming a new, improved you.
So does the idea of ‘game’ exist? Yes it’s undertaking the conscious effort to get better with women, and people in general. Should this be you 24/7? No, I don’t think so. I do think that you can turn it on and off. You don’t have to be ‘on’ all the time anymore than you have to walk around in gym gear in order to be healthy. So does that mean there is a division in your natural state and your ‘game’ state? Yes and no. I’ve often spoken about Chris Manak vs. Manic. There’s a large difference to anyone who knows me well. But they work together when needed.
So you have to knuckle up and ‘game’ a little, which might not be ‘you’. Yeah but neither is going into a room full of other men and repeatedly picking up heavy objects so that you can look and feel healthier. Neither is waking up at 5 AM to spend an hour each day setting up a business so that you can start to do what you want in life. Neither is ditching your comfortable clothing in order to dress better. But you want the end results, so you just do it. Growth involves some discomfort. But it shouldn’t be torture.
Pursue that which you enjoy in life; don’t try to be someone else, or something that you’re not. Aim to do more of what you love, and try to find the courage and persistence to follow it – it is likely this which will lead you to your real happiness more so than ‘game’. But also know that ‘you’ is largely a construct of a lot of things that you’ve not consciously decided on. So don’t run on autopilot. Determine what you want ‘you’ to be and chip away at it. Sometimes it’s worth the ‘unnatural’ effort.