Approaching Women Summary Points

Hi all,

Here are quick summary points from my Meetup group’s Approaching Women Workshop recently. You can join the group here.

1) Why men don’t approach

  •  They’re unaware that it’s possible, especially through the day.
  • They suffer from approach anxiety.
  • They see this as a random moment, one off thing that they can’t do, rather than a process, and as something to commit to and learn FOR those random moments.

2) Practice

  • Putting aside time to ‘practice’ this will really help.
  • Decide in advance when you can do this this week? Where? With who?
  • Dress well for it.
  • You simply need to get comfortable with it. Courage not confidence.

3) Approach anxiety

  • First rule is to accept it, don’t fight, resist or feel bad about it. It’s normal.
  • Let go of your pride and ego, and accept all possible outcomes from the approach in advance.
  • Re-shift the goal of the approach from getting the girl to the approach itself – commit to the process. Focus on getting the skill more than  the girl.
  • If you do this genuinely, rarely will it won’t go badly.

4) Turn around

  • Never think that you can get any girl. In fact the rate of turn around is going to be about 25%, when you take out girls with partners (about 50%) and girls who just don’t like you (25%), so don’t approach one or two girls and give up.
  • See rejection as mere incompatibility rather than something personal.
  • So much of this relies on the girl. Half of the situation and outcome is completely out of your hands. So relax and do what you can.

5) What to say

  • It’s not as important as you think as she will respond more to you and your vibe more than what you’re saying.
  • Observational comments as conversation starters.
  • Being direct.
  • During the day a quick reason is usually needed as to why you’ve stopped her to talk to her, whereas at night, it’s not as people go out to socialise. A simple “Hey guys how’s it going?” suffices for most situations.

6) Day approaching

  • On the street, sitting down in various places, or in supermarkets/stores.
  • Starting with “Excuse me” will get their attention and works much better than a random “Hi”.
  • Contextualize what you say to start the conversation, rather than some ill-fitted pre-thought stagnant line.
  • Give her a reason for talking to her, so that she is not standing there in confusion, even if it’s just simply that you wanted to meet her.
  • Having a couple of ‘fall back lines’ – simple questions that you can follow up a conversation starter with – can help you get over the initial conversation bumpiness during both day and night.

7) Night approaching

  • Being observational at night is great – something about her, what she is doing, wearing, etc.
  • People are out to socialize, so keep things simple, just approach and don’t worry about trying to be interesting or unlike every other guy. You are not every other guy, and trying too hard will likely choke you up. Just flow. Again she is relating more to you than what you’re saying. An average approach that happens is better than a perfectly thought approach that doesn’t.

8) Conversation

  • Keep it simple. People communicate on a deep subconscious level for the most part. You do not need to be flashy, or run routines, or tell stories, etc. She will like YOU or not. You will click, or you won’t, regardless. You just need to get more and more comfortable with approaching and talking to strangers so that you can really be YOU.
  • Ask about her.
  • Keep it short through the day. She is likely out somewhere, doing something. 5 minutes is more than enough to meet her, establish connection, get a number and be on your way.

9) Closing

  • The second most common error, after not ever approaching, is that guys simply don’t close (ask for number). They talk all night and then don’t do anything about it, so they don’t see the girls that they meet again.
  • Just ask. If she likes you and is single, she will give it to you.

10) My services

Cheers guys (and girls)!